Steve Allen Quotes (12 quotations)

1. "9W" Answer to the question: Do you spell your name with a V, Mr. Vagner? - Steve Allen

2. Asthma doesn't seem to bother me any more unless I'm around cigars or dogs. The thing that would bother me most would be a dog smoking a cigar. - Steve Allen

3. Do not allow children to mix drinks. It is unseemly and they use too much vermouth. - Steve Allen

4. Humor is a social lubricant that helps us get over some of the bad spots. - Steve Allen

5. If the Old Testament were a reliable guide in the matter of capital punishment, half the people in the United States would have to be killed tomorrow - Steve Allen

6. If there is a God, the phrase that must disgust him is - holy war. - Steve Allen

7. Impartial observers from other planets would consider ours an utterly bizarre enclave if it were populated by birds, defined as flying animals, that nevertheless rarely or never actually flew. They would also be perplexed if they encountered in our seas, lakes, rivers, and ponds, creatures defined as swimmers that never did any swimming. But they would be even more surprised to encounter a species defined as a thinking animal if, in fact, the creature very rarely indulged in actual thinking. - Steve Allen

8. In a rational society we would want our presidents to be teachers. In our actual society we insist they be cheerleaders. - Steve Allen

9. Is it larger than a bread box? - Steve Allen

10. Ours is a government of checks and balances. The Mafia and crooked businessmen make out checks, and the politicians and other compromised officials improve their bank balances. - Steve Allen

11. The hair is real-it's the head that's a fake. - Steve Allen

12. Totalitarianism is patriotism institutionalized. - Steve Allen

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