Woody Allen Quotes (121 quotations)

Index Page # 1 of 5 (Quotes : 1 - 25 )

1. A DAY IN THE LIFE OF A DOE Unbearably lovely music is heard as the curtain rises, and we see the woods on a summer afternoon. A fawn dances on and nibbles slowly at some leaves. He drifts lazily through the soft foliage. Soon he starts coughing and drops dead. - Woody Allen

2. A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'. - Woody Allen

3. As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree' - probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on. - Woody Allen

4. Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come in and sink my boats. - Woody Allen

5. Bisexuality automatically doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night. - Woody Allen

6. Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night. - Woody Allen

7. Cloquet hated reality but realized it was still the only place to get a good steak. - Woody Allen

8. Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you. - Woody Allen

9. Doing abominations is against the law, particularly if the abominations are done while wearing a lobster bib. - Woody Allen

10. Don't knock masturbation - it's sex with someone I love. - Woody Allen

11. Eighty percent of success is showing up. - Woody Allen

12. Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it. - Woody Allen

13. Eternity is a long time, especially towards the end. - Woody Allen

14. Eternity is very long, especially towards the end. - Woody Allen

15. For a while we pondered whether to take a vacation or get a divorce. We decided that a trip to Bermuda is over in two weeks, but a divorce is something you always have. - Woody Allen

16. For the first year of marriage I had basically a bad attitude. I tended to place my wife underneath a pedestal - Woody Allen

17. He was so depressed, he tried to commit suicide by inhaling next to an Armenian. - Woody Allen

18. His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy. - Woody Allen

19. How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter? - Woody Allen

20. How is it possible to find meaning in a finite world, given my waist and shirt size? - Woody Allen

21. How to make God laugh: Tell him your future plans. - Woody Allen

22. I am at two with nature. - Woody Allen

23. I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose. - Woody Allen

24. I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic. - Woody Allen

25. I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government. - Woody Allen

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