Dave Barry Quotes (165 quotations)
Index Page # 2 of 7 (Quotes : 26 - 50 )
26. Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling. - Dave Barry
27. Edison's greatest achievement came in 1879, when he invented the electric company. Edison's design was a brilliant adaptation of the simple electrical circuit: the electric company sends electricity through a wire to a customer, then immediately gets the electricity back through another wire, then (this is the brilliant part) sends it right back to the customer again.This means that an electric company can sell a customer the same batch of electricity thousands of times a day and never get caught...the last year any new electricity was generated in the United States was 1937; the electric companies have been merely re-selling it ever since, which is why they have so much free time to apply for rate increases. - Dave Barry
28. Electricity is actually made up of extremely tiny particles called electrons, that you cannot see with the naked eye unless you have been drinking. - Dave Barry
29. Escargot' is French for 'fat crawling bag of phlegm'. - Dave Barry
30. Eugene is located in western Oregon, approximately 278 billion miles from anything. - Dave Barry
31. Experts agree that the best type of computer for your individual needs is one that comes on the market about two days after you actually purchase some other computer. - Dave Barry
32. Experts tell us that if the Millennium Bug is not fixed, when the year 2000 arrives, our financial records will be inaccurate, our telephone system will be unreliable, our government will be paralyzed and airline flights will be canceled without warning. In other words, things will be pretty much the same as they are now. - Dave Barry
33. Fishing is boring, unless you catch an actual fish, and then it is disgusting. - Dave Barry
34. For many years the National Pretend Speed Limit was fifty-five miles per hour (metric equivalent: 378 kilograms per hectare.) - Dave Barry
35. For me, the worst part of playing golf, by far, has always been hitting the ball. - Dave Barry
36. Genes are little items that are found in every living thing except Sen. Alfonse D'Amato. - Dave Barry
37. Geographically, Ireland is a medium-sized rural island that is slowly but steadily being consumed by sheep. - Dave Barry
38. Grammatically, should of is a predatory admonition; as such, it is always used as part of a herpetological phrase. - Dave Barry
39. Gravity is a contributing factor in nearly 73 percent of all accidents involving falling objects. - Dave Barry
40. Harvard University, according to the directory of the American Society of Colleges and Universities, is a "type of weevil." - Dave Barry
41. Have you noticed that whatever sport you're trying to learn, some earnest person is always telling you to keep your knees bent? - Dave Barry
42. Hobbies of any kind are boring except to people who have the same hobby. (This is also true of religion, although you will not find me saying so in print.) - Dave Barry
43. I am not a violent person. I am a product of the Flower Power '60s. I have actually worn bell-bottomed jeans. - Dave Barry
44. I am not the only person who uses his computer mainly for the purpose of diddling with his computer. - Dave Barry
45. I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me. - Dave Barry
46. I believe many Harley guys spend more time revving their engines than actually driving anywhere; I sometimes wonder why they bother to have wheels on their motorcycles. - Dave Barry
47. I believe that we parents must encourage our children to become educated, so they can get into a good college that we cannot afford. - Dave Barry
48. I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me. - Dave Barry
49. I do not mean to be the slightest bit critical of TV news people, who do a superb job, considering that they operate under severe time constraints and have the intellectual depth of hamsters. But TV news can only present the bare bones of a story; it takes a newspaper with its capability to present vast amounts of information, to render the story truly boring. - Dave Barry
50. I have always dressed according to certain Basic Guy Fashion Rules,including:* Both of your socks should always be the same color,* Or they should at least both be fairly dark. - Dave Barry
27. Edison's greatest achievement came in 1879, when he invented the electric company. Edison's design was a brilliant adaptation of the simple electrical circuit: the electric company sends electricity through a wire to a customer, then immediately gets the electricity back through another wire, then (this is the brilliant part) sends it right back to the customer again.This means that an electric company can sell a customer the same batch of electricity thousands of times a day and never get caught...the last year any new electricity was generated in the United States was 1937; the electric companies have been merely re-selling it ever since, which is why they have so much free time to apply for rate increases. - Dave Barry
28. Electricity is actually made up of extremely tiny particles called electrons, that you cannot see with the naked eye unless you have been drinking. - Dave Barry
29. Escargot' is French for 'fat crawling bag of phlegm'. - Dave Barry
30. Eugene is located in western Oregon, approximately 278 billion miles from anything. - Dave Barry
31. Experts agree that the best type of computer for your individual needs is one that comes on the market about two days after you actually purchase some other computer. - Dave Barry
32. Experts tell us that if the Millennium Bug is not fixed, when the year 2000 arrives, our financial records will be inaccurate, our telephone system will be unreliable, our government will be paralyzed and airline flights will be canceled without warning. In other words, things will be pretty much the same as they are now. - Dave Barry
33. Fishing is boring, unless you catch an actual fish, and then it is disgusting. - Dave Barry
34. For many years the National Pretend Speed Limit was fifty-five miles per hour (metric equivalent: 378 kilograms per hectare.) - Dave Barry
35. For me, the worst part of playing golf, by far, has always been hitting the ball. - Dave Barry
36. Genes are little items that are found in every living thing except Sen. Alfonse D'Amato. - Dave Barry
37. Geographically, Ireland is a medium-sized rural island that is slowly but steadily being consumed by sheep. - Dave Barry
38. Grammatically, should of is a predatory admonition; as such, it is always used as part of a herpetological phrase. - Dave Barry
39. Gravity is a contributing factor in nearly 73 percent of all accidents involving falling objects. - Dave Barry
40. Harvard University, according to the directory of the American Society of Colleges and Universities, is a "type of weevil." - Dave Barry
41. Have you noticed that whatever sport you're trying to learn, some earnest person is always telling you to keep your knees bent? - Dave Barry
42. Hobbies of any kind are boring except to people who have the same hobby. (This is also true of religion, although you will not find me saying so in print.) - Dave Barry
43. I am not a violent person. I am a product of the Flower Power '60s. I have actually worn bell-bottomed jeans. - Dave Barry
44. I am not the only person who uses his computer mainly for the purpose of diddling with his computer. - Dave Barry
45. I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me. - Dave Barry
46. I believe many Harley guys spend more time revving their engines than actually driving anywhere; I sometimes wonder why they bother to have wheels on their motorcycles. - Dave Barry
47. I believe that we parents must encourage our children to become educated, so they can get into a good college that we cannot afford. - Dave Barry
48. I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me. - Dave Barry
49. I do not mean to be the slightest bit critical of TV news people, who do a superb job, considering that they operate under severe time constraints and have the intellectual depth of hamsters. But TV news can only present the bare bones of a story; it takes a newspaper with its capability to present vast amounts of information, to render the story truly boring. - Dave Barry
50. I have always dressed according to certain Basic Guy Fashion Rules,including:* Both of your socks should always be the same color,* Or they should at least both be fairly dark. - Dave Barry
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