Dave Barry Quotes (165 quotations)
Index Page # 6 of 7 (Quotes : 126 - 150 )
126. The major parties could conduct live human sacrifices on their podiums during prime time, and I doubt that anybody would notice. - Dave Barry
127. The members took turns lighting sparklers and signing their John Hancocks to the Declaration, with one prankster even going so far as to actually write John Hancock. - Dave Barry
128. The most valuable function performed by the federal government is entertainment. - Dave Barry
129. The nuclear generator of brain sludge is television. - Dave Barry
130. The only kind of seafood I trust is the fish stick, a totally featureless fish that doesn't have eyeballs or fins. - Dave Barry
131. The only really good place to buy lumber is at a store where the lumber has already been cut and attached together in the form of furniture, finished, and put inside boxes. - Dave Barry
132. The primary function of the government is-and here I am quoting directly from the U.S. Constitution -"to spew out paper." - Dave Barry
133. The problem with winter sports is that-follow me closely here-they generally take place in winter. - Dave Barry
134. The problem with writing about religion is that you run the risk of offending sincerely religious people, and then they come after you with machetes. - Dave Barry
135. The question is, why are politicians so eager to be president? What is it about the job that makes it worth revealing, on national television, that you have the ethical standards of a slime-coated piece of industrial waste? - Dave Barry
136. The real threat to whales is whaling, which has endangered many whale species. - Dave Barry
137. The reason it's called "Grape Nuts" is that it contains "dextrose," which is also sometimes called "grape sugar," and also because "Grape Nuts" is catchier, in terms of marketing, than "A Cross Between Gerbil Food and Gravel," which is what it tastes like. - Dave Barry
138. The simple truth is that balding African-American men look cool when they shave their heads, whereas balding white men look like giant thumbs. - Dave Barry
139. The Sixties are now considered a historical period, just like the Roman Empire. - Dave Barry
140. The term SAT is a set of initials, or autonym, standing for Scholastic Attitude Treaty Organization. - Dave Barry
141. The ultimate camping trip was the Lewis and Clark expedition. - Dave Barry
142. The world is full of strange phenomena that cannot be explained by the laws of logic or science. Dennis Rodman is only one example. - Dave Barry
143. There are two kinds of solar-heat systems: "passive" systems collect the sunlight that hits your home, and "active" systems collect the sunlight that hits your neighbors' homes, too. - Dave Barry
144. This is true; virtually all edible substances, and many automotive products, are now marketed as being low-fat or fat-free. Americans are obsessed with fat content. - Dave Barry
145. Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet. - Dave Barry
146. To an adolescent, there is nothing in the world more embarrassing than a parent. - Dave Barry
147. To better understand why you need a personal computer, let's take a look at the pathetic mess you call your life. - Dave Barry
148. UNIVAC: a device, which contained 20,000 vacuum tubes, occupied 1,500 square feet and weighed 40 tons; there was also a laptop version weighing 27 tons. - Dave Barry
149. Violence and smut are of course everywhere on the airwaves. You cannot turn on your television without seeing them, although sometimes you have to hunt around. - Dave Barry
150. We Americans live in a nation where the medical-care system is second to none in the world, unless you count maybe 25 or 30 little scuzzball countries like Scotland that we could vaporize in seconds if we felt like it. - Dave Barry
127. The members took turns lighting sparklers and signing their John Hancocks to the Declaration, with one prankster even going so far as to actually write John Hancock. - Dave Barry
128. The most valuable function performed by the federal government is entertainment. - Dave Barry
129. The nuclear generator of brain sludge is television. - Dave Barry
130. The only kind of seafood I trust is the fish stick, a totally featureless fish that doesn't have eyeballs or fins. - Dave Barry
131. The only really good place to buy lumber is at a store where the lumber has already been cut and attached together in the form of furniture, finished, and put inside boxes. - Dave Barry
132. The primary function of the government is-and here I am quoting directly from the U.S. Constitution -"to spew out paper." - Dave Barry
133. The problem with winter sports is that-follow me closely here-they generally take place in winter. - Dave Barry
134. The problem with writing about religion is that you run the risk of offending sincerely religious people, and then they come after you with machetes. - Dave Barry
135. The question is, why are politicians so eager to be president? What is it about the job that makes it worth revealing, on national television, that you have the ethical standards of a slime-coated piece of industrial waste? - Dave Barry
136. The real threat to whales is whaling, which has endangered many whale species. - Dave Barry
137. The reason it's called "Grape Nuts" is that it contains "dextrose," which is also sometimes called "grape sugar," and also because "Grape Nuts" is catchier, in terms of marketing, than "A Cross Between Gerbil Food and Gravel," which is what it tastes like. - Dave Barry
138. The simple truth is that balding African-American men look cool when they shave their heads, whereas balding white men look like giant thumbs. - Dave Barry
139. The Sixties are now considered a historical period, just like the Roman Empire. - Dave Barry
140. The term SAT is a set of initials, or autonym, standing for Scholastic Attitude Treaty Organization. - Dave Barry
141. The ultimate camping trip was the Lewis and Clark expedition. - Dave Barry
142. The world is full of strange phenomena that cannot be explained by the laws of logic or science. Dennis Rodman is only one example. - Dave Barry
143. There are two kinds of solar-heat systems: "passive" systems collect the sunlight that hits your home, and "active" systems collect the sunlight that hits your neighbors' homes, too. - Dave Barry
144. This is true; virtually all edible substances, and many automotive products, are now marketed as being low-fat or fat-free. Americans are obsessed with fat content. - Dave Barry
145. Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet. - Dave Barry
146. To an adolescent, there is nothing in the world more embarrassing than a parent. - Dave Barry
147. To better understand why you need a personal computer, let's take a look at the pathetic mess you call your life. - Dave Barry
148. UNIVAC: a device, which contained 20,000 vacuum tubes, occupied 1,500 square feet and weighed 40 tons; there was also a laptop version weighing 27 tons. - Dave Barry
149. Violence and smut are of course everywhere on the airwaves. You cannot turn on your television without seeing them, although sometimes you have to hunt around. - Dave Barry
150. We Americans live in a nation where the medical-care system is second to none in the world, unless you count maybe 25 or 30 little scuzzball countries like Scotland that we could vaporize in seconds if we felt like it. - Dave Barry
Quotes Index Pages : Previous | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | Next