Robert Benchley Quotes (28 quotations)

Index Page # 1 of 2 (Quotes : 1 - 25 )

1. A boy can learn a lot from a dog: obedience, loyalty, and the importance of turning around three times before lying down. - Robert Benchley

2. A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down. - Robert Benchley

3. An ardent supporter of the hometown team should go to a game prepared to take offense, no matter what happens. - Robert Benchley

4. Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing at the moment. - Robert Benchley

5. As for me, except for an occasional heart attack, I feel as young as I ever did. - Robert Benchley

6. Dachshunds are ideal dogs for small children, as they are already stretched and pulled to such a length that the child cannot do much harm one way or the other. - Robert Benchley

7. Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people. - Robert Benchley

8. Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing. - Robert Benchley

9. Drinking makes such fools of people, and people are such fools to begin with, that it's compounding a felony. - Robert Benchley

10. Even nowadays a man can't step up and kill a woman without feeling just a bit unchivalrous... - Robert Benchley

11. For a nation which has an almost evil reputation for bustle, bustle, bustle, and rush, rush, rush, we spend an enormous amount of time standing around in line in front of windows, just waiting. - Robert Benchley

12. I can't bring myself to say, 'Well, I guess I'll be toddling along.' It isn't that I can't toddle. It's just that I can't guess I'll toddle. - Robert Benchley

13. I can't seem to bring myself to say, "Well, I guess I'll be toddling along." It isn't that I can't toddle. It's that I can't guess I'll toddle. - Robert Benchley

14. I do most of my work sitting down; that's where I shine. - Robert Benchley

15. I have tried to know absolutely nothing about a great many things, and I have succeeded fairly well. - Robert Benchley

16. I know I'm drinking myself to a slow death, but then I'm in no hurry. - Robert Benchley

17. If Mr. Einstein doesn't like the natural laws of the universe, let him go back to where he came from. - Robert Benchley

18. In America there are two classes of travel - first class, and with children. - Robert Benchley

19. It took me fifteen years to discover that I had no talent for writing, but I couldn't give it up because by that time I was too famous. - Robert Benchley

20. Most of the arguments to which I am a party fall somewhat short of being impressive, owing to the fact that neither I nor my opponent knows what we are talking about. - Robert Benchley

21. Streets full of water; please advise. - Robert Benchley

22. Tell us your phobias, and we will tell you what you are afraid of. - Robert Benchley

23. The actor searches vainly for the sound of a vanished tradition, and critic and audience follow suit. We have lost all sense of ritual and ceremony - whether it be connected with Christmas, birthdays or funerals - but the words remain with us and old impulses stir in the marrow. We feel we should have rituals, we should do something about getting them and we blame the artists for not finding them for us. So the artist sometimes attempts to find new rituals with only his imagination as his source: he imitates the outer form of ceremonies, pagan or baroque, unfortunately adding his own trapping - the result is rarely convincing. And after the years and years of weaker and waterier imitations we now find ourselves rejecting the very notion of a holy stage. It is not the fault of the holy that it has become a middle-class weapon to keep the children good. - Robert Benchley

24. The most common of all antagonisms arises from a man's taking a seat beside you on the train, a seat to which he is completely entitled. - Robert Benchley

25. The pencil sharpener is about as far as I have ever got in operating a complicated piece of machinery with any success. - Robert Benchley

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