George Carlin Quotes (43 quotations)

Index Page # 1 of 2 (Quotes : 1 - 25 )

1. As a matter of principle, I never attend the first annual anything. - George Carlin

2. Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time. - George Carlin

3. Eventually, alas, I realized the main purpose of buying cocaine is to run out of it. - George Carlin

4. Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac? - George Carlin

5. Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck. - George Carlin

6. Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac? - George Carlin

7. Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, andanyone going faster than you is a moron. - George Carlin

8. Hobbies cost money but interests are free. - George Carlin

9. Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy. - George Carlin

10. I am is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that I do is the longest sentence? - George Carlin

11. I don't like to think of laws as rules you have to follow, but more as suggestions. - George Carlin

12. I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately. - George Carlin

13. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks? - George Carlin

14. I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood. - George Carlin

15. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled? - George Carlin

16. If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say that the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little. - George Carlin

17. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted? - George Carlin

18. I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death. - George Carlin

19. I'm not concerned about all hell breaking loose, but that a PART of hell will break loose... it'll be much harder to detect. - George Carlin

20. Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do practice? - George Carlin

21. Its never just a game when you're winning. - George Carlin

22. Keep thy religion to thyself. - George Carlin

23. Life.....is a series of dogs. - George Carlin

24. May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house. - George Carlin

25. Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong. - George Carlin

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