Groucho Marx Quotes (83 quotations)

Index Page # 1 of 4 (Quotes : 1 - 25 )

1. A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five. - Groucho Marx

2. A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running. - Groucho Marx

3. A man's only as old as the woman he feels. - Groucho Marx

4. A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke. - Groucho Marx

5. Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough. - Groucho Marx

6. Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse. - Groucho Marx

7. Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot. - Groucho Marx

8. Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife. - Groucho Marx

9. Either he's dead or my watch has stopped. - Groucho Marx

10. Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped. - Groucho Marx

11. From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it. - Groucho Marx

12. From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend reading it. - Groucho Marx

13. Go, and never darken my towels again. - Groucho Marx

14. Here's to our girlfriends and wives; may they never meet! - Groucho Marx

15. Here's to our wives and girlfriends... may they never meet! - Groucho Marx

16. Humor is reason gone mad. - Groucho Marx

17. I aughta join a club and beat you over the head with it. - Groucho Marx

18. I could dance with you until the cows come home. On second thought I'd rather dance with the cows until you come home. - Groucho Marx

19. I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up. - Groucho Marx

20. I do not care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members. - Groucho Marx

21. I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members. - Groucho Marx

22. I don't have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They're upstairs in my socks. - Groucho Marx

23. I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book. - Groucho Marx

24. I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a good book. - Groucho Marx

25. I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it. - Groucho Marx

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