Spike Milligan Quotes (23 quotations)

1. A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree. - Spike Milligan

2. All I ask is the chance to prove that money can't make me happy. - Spike Milligan

3. And God said, Let the earth bring forth grass, and the earth brought forth grass and the Rastafarians smoked it. - Spike Milligan

4. And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected. - Spike Milligan

5. Are you going to come quietly, or do I have to use earplugs? - Spike Milligan

6. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, get it out with Optrex. - Spike Milligan

7. Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion. - Spike Milligan

8. For ten years Caesar ruled with an iron hand. Then with a wooden foot, and finally with a piece of string. - Spike Milligan

9. Hi vibrato sounded like he was driving a tractor over a ploughed field with weights tied to his scrotum. - Spike Milligan

10. How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven. - Spike Milligan

11. I can speak Esperanto like a native. - Spike Milligan

12. I have the body of an eighteen year old. I keep it in the fridge. - Spike Milligan

13. I shook hands with a friendly Arab. I still have my right arm to prove it. - Spike Milligan

14. I speak Esparanto like a native. - Spike Milligan

15. I spent many years laughing at Harry Secombe's singing until somebody told me that it wasn't a joke. - Spike Milligan

16. I thought I'd begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why should I? He never reads any of mine. - Spike Milligan

17. In India a farmhand was caught in the act with his cow. He said he had bad eyesight and thought it was his wife. - Spike Milligan

18. It was a perfect marriage. She didn't want to and he couldn't. - Spike Milligan

19. Money can't buy friends, but it can get you a better class of enemy. - Spike Milligan

20. Money can't buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery. - Spike Milligan

21. Money couldnt buy friends, but you get a better class of enemy. - Spike Milligan

22. My Father had a profound influence on me, he was a lunatic. - Spike Milligan

23. You silly twisted boy. - Spike Milligan

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