P J O'Rourke Quotes (57 quotations)

Index Page # 1 of 3 (Quotes : 1 - 25 )

1. A hat should be taken off when you greet a lady and left off for the rest of your life. Nothing looks more stupid than a hat. - P J O'Rourke

2. A little government and a little luck are necessary in life, but only a fool trusts either of them. - P J O'Rourke

3. After all, what is your hosts' purpose in having a party? Surely not for you to enjoy yourself; if that were their sole purpose, they'd have simply sent champagne and women over to your place by taxi. - P J O'Rourke

4. Always read something that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it. - P J O'Rourke

5. Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it. - P J O'Rourke

6. America wasn't founded so that we could all be better. America was founded so we could all be anything we damned well pleased. - P J O'Rourke

7. Anyway, no drug, not even alcohol, causes the fundamental ills of society. If we're looking for the source of our troubles, we shouldn't test people for drugs, we should test them for stupidity, ignorance, greed and love of power. - P J O'Rourke

8. Authority has always attracted the lowest elements in the human race. All through history, mankind has been bullied by scum. Those who lord it over their fellows and toss commands in every direction and would boss the grass in the meadow about which way to bend in the wind are the most depraved kind of prostitutes. They will submit to any indignity, perform any vile act, do anything to achieve power. The worst off-sloughings of the planet are the ingredients of sovereignty. Every government is a parliament of whores. The trouble is, in a democracy the whores are us. - P J O'Rourke

9. Because of their size, parents may be difficult to discipline properly. - P J O'Rourke

10. Children from the age of five to ten should watch more television. Television depicts adults as rotten SOB's, given to fistfights, gunplay, and other mayhem. Kids who believe this about grownups aren't likely to argue about bedtime. - P J O'Rourke

11. Children must be considered in a divorce—considered valuable pawns in the nasty legal and financial contest that is about to ensue. - P J O'Rourke

12. Drugs have taught an entire generation of Americans the metric system. - P J O'Rourke

13. Even a band of angels can turn ugly and start looting if enough angels are unemployed and hanging around the Pearly Gates convinced that all the succubi own all the liquor stores in Heaven. - P J O'Rourke

14. Even very young children need to be informed about dying. Explain the concept of death very carefully to your child. This will make threatening him with it much more effective. - P J O'Rourke

15. Every government is a parliament of whores. The trouble is, in a democracy, the whores are us. - P J O'Rourke

16. Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them. - P J O'Rourke

17. Feeling good about government is like looking on the bright side of any catastrophe. When you quit looking on the bright side, the catastrophe is still there. - P J O'Rourke

18. Fish is the only food that is considered spoiled once it smells like what it is. - P J O'Rourke

19. For the people in government, rather than the people who pester it, Washington is an early-rising, hard-working city. It is a popular delusion that the government wastes vast amounts of money through inefficiency and sloth. Enormous effort and elaborate planning are required to waste this much money. - P J O'Rourke

20. France is like a great compass, which ever way they point to, go the complete opposite direction and you'll be fine. - P J O'Rourke

21. Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. - P J O'Rourke

22. How much fame, money, and power does a woman have to achieve on her own before you can punch her in the face? - P J O'Rourke

23. Humans are the only animals that have children on purpose with the exception of guppies, who like to eat theirs. - P J O'Rourke

24. I suppose I should get a VCR, but the only thing I like about television is its ephemerality. - P J O'Rourke

25. If government were a product, selling it would be illegal. - P J O'Rourke

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